Darling, Please.

I don’t know you. I really don’t know you. I don’t know your daily routine. I...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:08:00 -0400

I don’t know you. I really don’t know you. I don’t know your daily routine. I don’t even know if you have a daily routine. I don’t know your favorite foods, your allergies, or if you even have allergies. Some people don’t have allergies. I used to think I was one of those people. I thought people with allergies were special—that it added to their list of unique and beautiful traits because something didn’t agree with their body. I thought I was unspecial because I didn’t have allergies. I thought I was the same, that I had one less trait that would set me apart from all the other girls. But I do have an allergy. And I don’t feel any more special.

I don’t know what your Favorite Pair of Shoes Ever are. I don’t know if you really think about shoes that way. I don’t know what you like in a girl, what you find attractive, or even if you would date me. I’d like to think that you would. See, we’ve had this thing. It’s been going on for years. For more years than “a couple” would suffice, but not enough that I’m willing to count them. It might be that I’m afraid to count them. But it’s been a fucking while. And the thing is something happened between us. Actually, maybe it’s the fact that absolutely nothing happened between us. We’ve never kissed. Hell, we’ve never even touched hands. We shared a blanket. Once. The timing was off, I got awkward, you got awkward, we were with other people. But there was enough there that kept us intrigued. Intrigued enough to still know each other in a vague and distant way. We are desperate to name This. We are waiting for Something.

I only know a version of you. I know who you used to be. People change. I’ve changed. There are a lot of questions I want to ask you but they seem so irrelevant, so simple. This thing isn’t complicated by anything that’s happened between us. It’s complicated because nothing has happened between us. For fuck’s sake, we’re in too deep now. We can’t just walk away now, there’s too much, we’re in over our heads. We’ve got to keep holding on.

Sometimes I want to see you right now, tomorrow, very soon. Sometimes I want to see you in a year, or five, or twenty. Sometimes I dream of seeing you and it’s weird. What color are your bedroom walls? What size bed do you have? What kind of toothpaste do you use? Do you cook? I don’t cook. I dream of someone who can cook because I can’t. Actually, it’s not that I can’t cook but that I really don’t like to cook. Call it lazy, or call it one of those traits that sets me apart from the other girls, or don’t think about it at all. Do you think about me? Not in any way in particular, but I wonder, do your thoughts ever float and land on me? Surely when you ‘Like’ a photo of mine you think about me, right? Not that it really matters because I have no idea if I will ever see you again. We say that we will, but it hasn’t happened yet so my hopes aren’t high. But still I am hopeful, and I hope you are hopeful too.

Sometimes I dream of seeing you and it’s perfect.

Here again, trapped, dismantled, stagnant Frozen by your lips, eyes staring through me Helpless,...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:51:00 -0400

Here again, trapped, dismantled, stagnant

Frozen by your lips, eyes staring through me

Helpless, hopeless, hapless, heartless

Rationalizing, reasoning, convincing you, myself

Back and forth, forth and back, everywhere, all the time

Now, never, no, no, no, no

In this cyclical dance, this toxic pursuit, this never-ending parlay

Always losing, myself, you, never us

Talking, telling, tantalizing, tirelessly

All this talk in my head, saying words I should have said

Avoiding the unavoidable void of you, me

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk

But it’s hard to hear myself

When there’s a devil in my bed

Back here again, can’t get ahead, can’t lag behind, staying still, constantly moving,...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:35:55 -0400

Back here again, can’t get ahead, can’t lag behind, staying still, constantly moving, thinking, doing, not doing, forward, to the side, over there, thinking about everything, thinking about nothing, maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or week, or year, always loud, never silent, too much silence, not enough silence, talking too much, talking too little, in deep thought, shallow, vain, too quick, not fast enough, more, more, more, a little less, even a little more, less, nothing, everything, desired but not desirable, too many people, not enough people, keep the mystery, no surprises, be honest, be true, show your true self, too many expectations, expectations not met, always raised, always lowered, read more, at least you’ve got your youth, theses are the best years of your life, at least you’re young and alive and here.

I am the first and the last. I am the mother and the father. I am the passive and the active. I...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:23:53 -0500

I am the first and the last. I am the mother and the father. I am the passive and the active. I am the hot and the cold. I am the black and the white. I am the wife and the virgin. I am the friend and the enemy. I am the good and the bad. I am the happy and the sad. I am the sober and the drunk. I am the clumsy and the graceful. I am the mortal and the infinite. I am the high and the low. I am the in and the out. I am the on and the off. I am the left and the right. I am the whore and the holy.

Photo

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:38:10 -0500

In the nest of my lover’s bed Tangled up between his legs I turned to him and said, “My...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:12:36 -0500

In the nest of my lover’s bed

Tangled up between his legs

I turned to him and said,

“My darling, that dog is dead.”

“Okay, heads, you win. Tails, I win,” She told me. I agreed. In that moment, in the...

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:58:03 -0500

“Okay, heads, you win. Tails, I win,” She told me. I agreed. In that moment, in the blink of a fucking eye, my fate was to be decided, my dignity hanging on a string. In the time of all things thingy, it was a not a big thing, but it was still a thing. In this moment, I had to be who I wanted to be, not who I am. This quarrel never rests.

It was Tails.

“You must walk away, don’t look back, not even for a fucking second. If you do, it will shred you, it will tear you apart, and for the rest of your life, you’ll always wonder, What if?” She scolded me. I had to listen.

But I did wonder, and I still do wonder. What if? What if I placed my hand gently in the Palm of Possibility? What if I looked back and ran from whence I came? What if I kissed the Lips of Lust? But there could be no more of that. Of course I wanted to run to him, to forget all that had happened, or unhappened, to forget, or unforget. The cycle will not stop, or unstop. I had to listen. I had to be sure, even if I was unsure. I wanted to unremember, to unforget, to unlisten, to be unsure. But She was sure, so I had to be sure.

Titillating tales of my lover’s past Steadily startling, easily drowning All along, following...

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 11:28:22 -0500

Titillating tales of my lover’s past

Steadily startling, easily drowning

All along, following this lonely heart of mine.

One big booth full of bad bitches @odarekatie

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 01:09:05 -0500

One big booth full of bad bitches @odarekatie

Me and my lil pony

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:19:02 -0500

Me and my lil pony

#gas4less

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:07:51 -0500

#gas4less

slutless: babe

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 10:43:31 -0500

slutless:

babe

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Sun, 30 Dec 2012 09:44:28 -0500

pinkraybans: p-imp: want more posts like this? click here and...

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 09:19:37 -0500

pinkraybans:

p-imp:

want more posts like this? click here and follow

A

Photo by Karen Prosen.

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 14:18:13 -0500

Photo by Karen Prosen.

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Sun, 25 Nov 2012 17:51:07 -0500

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Sun, 25 Nov 2012 17:27:41 -0500

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Fri, 12 Oct 2012 11:11:52 -0400

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Thu, 30 Aug 2012 00:00:44 -0400

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Mon, 27 Aug 2012 12:05:37 -0400